Association (n):

an idea, image, or feeling suggested by
 or connected with something other than itself.

Association is beautiful.  

It feels warm and full.  It takes you back to bliss, and makes you crave it again.

Association is wistful.  

It feels familiar and dreamy.  It takes you back to what you forgot you loved, and makes you long for what is over.

Association spreads like flowers,
gracing memories with sweetness, promising a pleasant future.  
It is lovely.

                  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

Association is painful.  

It feels violating and sharp.  It takes your warmth away, and makes you claw for new sensations to plaster over the regret.

Association is dangerous.

It feels reckless and bitter.  It takes contentment by its throat, and makes you compare what you know is good to what you used to think was.

Association spreads like a plague,
infecting your present thoughts, tainting them with the past.  It is toxic.  It licks maliciously, stretching forth to scorch what should be fresh and good.  

Memories don't disappear, but their sting and prominence can over time decline.  Truth and promises stamp out disease until finally, finally you can breathe again.


I am speaking truth to my toxic thoughts.  I am trying to overwrite associations.

Sorry, not sorry.

"I am sorry that I hurt you, even though I didn't mean to..

Even though I think it's a little ridiculous that you're hurt..

I'm sorry."

When you hurt someone, it's important to apologize for hurting them even if you don't think that what you did was hurtful.  Even if you think they're a crybaby - that they should get over it.  Regardless of whether that is true or not, it doesn't  change the fact that you did hurt them.  They are hurt. And that is something worth being sorry for.

Look them in the eyes when you do man up to apologize because they are worth your time and attention. People are worth it. It's hard, uncomfortable, and frankly a little embarrassing to look at the people we hurt, and admit that we hurt them.

But it is also brave. 

It is impressive. It is mature. It is right.

I teach first graders.  They hurt each other a lot.  I cannot tell you how many times a day some child comes up to me, often trailed closely by their persecutor, to tell me how they've been hurt.  The person they accuse always has a rebuttal, and it comes out like a flood before the first crying child can even finish:

"No I didn't! That wasn't me! Well, I didn't mean to.. I didn't see them there. They got in the way; it was an accident! I didn't even know!!" 

Blame shuffles and flies faster than a deck of cards.  Both children desperately trying to present and plead their cases.  You know what I do next?  You know the only way to resolve the problem?  That accused child needs to apologize. Even if it was an accident.  Because regardless of how unintentional and "harmless" the things we do and say may seem to us, the fact is that they can still hurt other people.

Sometimes what we said or did to hurt them is 100% true, or even deserved, so we don't feel the need to say sorry.  Why should we?  We are right, after all, and it's not our fault that they can't handle a little tough love.

Perhaps.

We could all stand to grow a little. Yes, maybe it was a truth that they needed to hear.  Maybe they need to grow a thicker skin.

But it still hurt.

And that very hurt is what I make my children apologize for.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt you. It was an accident.  Will you forgive me?"

And if my children are especially brave, we take it a step further and ask,

"How can I make it better?" 

Because that is selfless.  That is kind. That is generous.
You know what happens next?  It is beautiful.  And it happens without fail.  The apologizing child breaks a little.  They mumble, and hang their head.  Then the crying child softens too, and they embrace their offender, and they say,

"It's okay, I forgive you."

Now this doesn't come naturally either, because we are spiteful, bitter, grudge-prone people. But this too can be overcome.

Forgive, and do so quickly. Love, and do so freely.  My first graders are learning to do that.

Unfortunately, the story doesn't always end so well.  Sometimes I have a student who stands stone-faced while their classmate cries.

Resolute.  

Unfeeling. 

Not sorry. 

"I did nothing wrong," they declare defiantly, "They are overreacting, and I don't need to say I'm sorry." 

That child - that cold, unrepentant child - they are answered by a swift trip to the timeout chair where they will stay until they become sorry, or at least become willing to say that they are.

Why?

Because if they can walk away without owning up to the damage they've done, however unintentional or deserved it may have been, then they will grow up to be teenage bullies, and selfishly unkind adults. They will destroy empathy within themselves. They will cease to feel. They will become proud, stubborn, and mean.

And that is a most truly terrifying thought.

Living in Awe.

I grew up hearing people talk about being "in awe" of God.  It was such a weird thing for me to fathom because "awe" is not an emotion I often experience.  I admire a painting, but I'm not in awe of it.  I'm impressed by an athlete, but I'm not in awe of them.  I love God, but I'm not in awe of Him.  At least I haven't been - until Friday.

I think this is because I've often mistaken awe for an exhausting or belittling thing.  Like in order to stand in awe, I'd need to become less of a person.

But it's not like that..  

It's more like being willing to be amazed. To not know so much that you are unimpressed. To let the common things blow your mind from time to time. Friday I saw a bird.

I was driving to school (I'm a teacher), and it was dark.  That dusky kind of dark that happens when the sun is being held captive behind a hedge of cloud.  As I drove, a large, long bird soared across the road over my head.  The world seemed to freeze for a moment.

Awe.

The God who made that bird - who taught it how to fly - that same God loved me enough to put a calling on my life.  Put a calling, and see it through.  I'm exactly where I need to be.  I've never been so sure.  The God of the universe did that for me.  I'm important, but I'm small; and I'm okay with that.

If this isn't awe, then I don't know what is.

Identity.

I've been thinking a lot this week.  I mean... I think a lot normally, but this week I've really been thinking; about why we are who we are, and whether or not that's okay.

What is identity?

If you asked me to define myself, where would I begin?  I might begin by describing myself as bubbly, fun-loving, and outgoing.  But these aren't my identity; they are my attributes.  They are the very surface level of who I am.  They are the first things even strangers will see about me.

Next, I could say that I do art, that I love to sing, that I'm a cat person... but these things aren't me either.  They are things I find delight in; they are things that fill my time, but these still do not define me.

Well then, I am a teacher.  I am a daughter.  I am a friend.  This is the third layer of who I am, and this is where society normally stops.  Good enough, right?  You've found you're talent, and you've made a life for yourself based on what you value.

Yes, 

but no.

These things are my labels.  These are my job descriptions.  They may be based on my heart's desires, but these things are not my heart itself.  They are not my core.  They are not my identity.

So what is my identity?

When I stepped back and I thought about who I am, I had to peel back each of these layers. They had previously seemed adequate; it used to be enough to be bubbly, or love to sing, or to be a teacher.  But these things aren't my true driving force, and when I thought about each of the them in turn, I realized how easily they could be taken away.  They are not where I should find my true value.

My core passions are to love, serve, and express.  They often intermingle.  I love others by serving them - by being selfless - and I express my affection through the things I do.  I realized that these are the things Jesus calls us to, and no person or circumstances can take them away.  In fact, He doesn't just call us to give them a try, He calls us to be them.  He calls us to be Jesus.  To put off our old selves (Ephesians 4:22), take up our crosses (Matthew 16:24), and become like Jesus (2 Corinthians 3:18).  We do this by spending time in prayer and in His word, because we become like who we are around the most.  Are we perfect all the time?  No.  Obviously.  But as we change our mindset, being more like Jesus becomes a habit.  I can promise you this because I'm personally experiencing it and it's awesome.  It's encouraging and empowering.

This should be our identity: to seek Christ, know Christ, and become like Christ.

Don't be discouraged.  Don't be scared of "failure".  This isn't daunting, really, because we're just accepting an invitation to a journey that God wants to take us on.  The Maker of the Universe wants you to succeed.  He wants to be your identity.  All you have to do is surrender your selfishness, and let him.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold new things have come."

This can be your future.

This can be your identity.

What is Love? - Agape

What is Love - Agape

1)     Where it Begins                                                                                             

v  Anyone take the challenge to learn a new verse?

Main Point: God is love, and this love is a choice, not a feeling.

ü  Discuss: Love is such a versatile word - we use it for everything. How many ways is the word “love” defined and used in our culture?

-          According to our research, there are five different “types” of love used and eluded to in the Bible: agape, phileo, eros, epithumia, and storge. Tonight we will be addressing the first, most common and most difficult love: agape.

2)     The Meat                                                                                                        

I.                    What is agape?

Watch Jimmy Evans: Five Types of Love (1:09 – 5:38)

-          All the verses in this study use the Greek word “agape” or “agapao” when they say “love”. As we read keep that in mind. So far we’ve been learning that our salvation, relationship with Christ, and our interaction with others should be built on love, not rules.

·         Mark 12:30-31 Jesus said, “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart (life core) and with all your soul (breath and feelings) and with all your mind (understanding and desire) and with all your strength (ability and might).’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

-          This love, this agape, it’s a full-body experience. It requires commitment and involvement. From this verse alone we see that while agape love can be expressed through fondness, soul is only part of the picture. Agape is also fused with our life source, enacted by choice, and driven by force. Doesn’t sound as easy as loving chocolate, does it?

--- side note: before we continue I want to draw some attention to love your neighbor as…who? Yourself. We can interpret this as treat others the way you want to be treated (which is biblical), but the verse doesn’t say treat; it says agape. Ephesians says we are God’s workmanship. Psalms says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. 1 Corinthians says our bodies are temples. Take care of yourself, respect yourself, and love yourself as God’s beloved creation. Don’t do yourself harm, don’t call yourself worthless. Agape yourself so that you can agape others.

II.                  How God agapes.

-          So if we’re going to agape, we should probably take a look at how God does it.

·         1 John 4:7-10 “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

·         John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world he gave his only son.”

·         Romans 5:8 – “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

ü  What themes are you seeing? What are the characteristics of this love that God has demonstrated for us?

-          Agape can be painful. Obviously it wasn’t easy for God to send his son – a part of himself – away. It wasn’t fun for Jesus to be tortured and die. And not only that, but God did those things for people who didn’t deserve them with no guarantee that we would even accept him. He knew this, but he was determined. Unconditionally and selflessly he gave. This is agape.

III.               How we agape.

-          So what does that mean for us? Never fear, 1 John continues its discourse on God’s agape love with instructions for us, like as if he knew we’d ask…

·         1 John 4:11-21 “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother (fellow man) is a liar. For whoever does not love their fellow man, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their fellow man.”

-          There is no fear, because it’s not about us. We’ve been forgiven so we are not afraid of being punished. We love unconditionally so we are not afraid of not being paid bacl. We love because of God, not ourselves.

ü  Any extra thoughts or observations before we break into groups?

3)     Break Out Groups                                                                             

·         Luke 6:27-31: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

-          It’s easy to love people who are good to us, but loving people who hurt us is hard,

ü  Who are your enemies? Why? How have you dealt with your anger?

-          Sometimes even people we wouldn’t classify as enemies, we treat with contempt.

ü  Are there any people who are your friends/family who can bring out the worst in you? Why?

-          If you’re harboring bitterness, bless and pray for the people you’re angry at. Don’t try to get them back for what they taken from you. (Proverbs 20:22 “Do not say, "I will repay evil"; Wait for the LORD, and He will save you”) Pray a prayer of blessing over your enemies; it will help you to forgive and move on. You have no right to be angry because if God (who does have every right to be angry) forgives, then so can you.

Living in Love.

I've recently started teaching a Bible study. To my dismay as a teacher, I realized that attendance can be very inconsistent. "But people are missing out on life changing Jesus messages!" I cried. Then I remembered I have a blog. So I'll be posting my lesson outlines (that's why they're not in traditional blog format) on here. Enjoy!

I.                    What is the therefore there for?

-          Before we dive into the instructions outlined for us as Christians in Col. 3:12-17, let’s begin by reading a little earlier on for context. Colossians 3:12 begins with “Therefore…”, but why? Obviously what Paul is about to say is directly related to what he was saying before, so let’s look at what that is.

·         Colossians 2:20-3:11

ü  First of all, is there anything that sticks out to you?

 II.                  Dead.

-          Before we continue to pick out the truth from this passage let’s address something: our old self is dead. You’ve heard it said “whatever you feed the longest becomes the strongest” but that’s not true in the sense that you have two natures at war within you. While it does stand that if you continue in sinful thought patterns which form habits, and engage in a lifestyle that makes it easier to indulge in them it will be harder for you to live a godly life otherwise. However, that doesn’t mean we still have our old man chilling inside like a zombie waiting to come back to life. You’ve been completely cleaned out from him. Focusing on a list of don’ts puts your attention back on the things your flesh used to be slave to. Christ points us back heavenward.

·         Colossians 3:3-4 “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory”

ü  What do you think it means by “Christ who is your life?” Why didn’t Paul say, “Christ who gives you life?”

-          Directly translated according to the original Greek and mildly paraphrased, these verses are saying, “Your life (earthly nature) is dead (hidden, done away with) and now Christ is your life (same word).” He’s not just giving you a new life; he himself is becoming your new life. The old nature is completely replaced – it doesn’t exist anymore.

·         2 Corinthians 5:17 – “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

·         Galatians 2:20 – “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

III.               Habits.

-          Let’s backtrack now. Since we’ve established that we’re free from sin in the freest way possible, let’s address the beginning of what we read.

·         Colossians 2:20-23 – Paul is addressing how people judge one another by laying down “Do not…”’s in regards to what they “eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day”. He told them not to worry about rules like this. At first this really bothered me because I thought, “Well how are we supposed to break habits and become better Christians if we don’t know what not to do? It’s important to know specifics, right?” But what Paul is pointing to is the motivation behind our lists and obedience, and where that puts our focus.

ü  What words do you see in these verses that address motive

·         John 14:15&21 – “If you love me, you’ll obey my commands.”

ü  What should our motive actually be? (love for God)

-          Paul makes the point that while these world-imposed regulations appear to be wise, their core value isn’t based on looking heavenward – the focus is on looking holy here on earth. Ultimately they deal with the action and not the motive. If our motive is loving a God who loves us back, our actions will automatically follow suit.

·         Col. 3:1 – he goes on to say that we’ve been raised (from death to a new life dedicated to God) from our earthly vices so we should…

·         Col 3:2 – set our hearts (affection, understanding, feelings, thoughts, interests – everything) on the things above.

ü  What happens when we turn our focus from the negative to the positive?

-          Paraphrasing, Paul is saying in these beginning verses that we should kill the habits (not the nature – that’s already dead) we used to have (which are the reasons wrath is coming – they are a real problem) so we can put on (sink into) the new you. You’ve been stripped, so therefore… Col. 3:12-17

-           This next chapter is solely focused on our love for God and others, and how that affects our character more than legalistic fear ever could.

·         1 Corinthians 13 (love)

ü  (1-3) What (good things) do you do that are not motivated by love? How will you change that?

ü  (4-7) What characteristics of love do you need to grow in?

ü  (8-10) When has God only given you partial answers? Did you eventually see a purpose for what happened?

v  Homework: (9-11) Over this next week pay attention to how you behave… are there any ways in which you are still a child?

-          Tonight we talked about how love affects our success as Christ followers. We’re not trying on our own power to overcome an internal demon – we’ve been freed! Who we used to be has been replaced with a godly nature and we are righteous. Not only do reflect the image of Christ, we carry it. As we leave this week, let’s keep our focus heavenward and experience victory!

Finding Freedom.

Last night I did something really difficult. I obeyed. I obeyed God in the fullness of what he says in 1 Corinthians 5, which is something I've been afraid to do until now. But God said it, so what's it going to take? I was so dreading it, but now... I've never felt more alive and filled and blessed. God will take care of it because I obeyed, just like he promises in Romans 2.

Sometimes God asks us to do really challenging things and we feel like we're being ordered around or restrained. 
After all, we're doing what we're doing because we chose it, right? 
We have the power to stop when we want, right? 
It's not so bad, right? 
We're in control, right?
It's not fair for God to take that from us, right?

False.

1 Corinthians 7 says that we were slaves to sin until Christ saved us and made us slaves to him instead. From one slavery to the next? Doesn't sound too great.. until we keep reading. Our slavery is really son-ship because we've been adopted (Romans 8:15) and we obey our Father because we love him and we choose to (1 John 5). And this is true freedom because, although the law came to condemn sin in us (Romans 8), it is ultimately for freedom that we've been set free (Galatians 5).

It's that very freedom bubbles up and makes me strong. It fills me up even as I let go of the things that used to "fill" me. I don't need them anymore.

For the longest time I knew the sin that "filled" me was a temporary fix, but I waited on consequences to "bring me around" to righteousness. "Once I hurt, I'll stop." But if you know the end result needs to be repentance and redemption, then why go through the pain of getting there? It is far better to make a tangible change now in faith that God will fill you better than sin might.

And he will.

Obedience is crazy because it's totally a choice. But it's so worth it. It takes a lot of pressure off too because it puts the follow through back on God, and he blesses it.

God becomes enough. You don't really need anyone else. Don't get me wrong, people are great. In fact, we need them to hold us accountable to the things we claim as truth - they keep us from being hypocrites. They are also necessary since we are called to love and serve one another (Galatians 5) - how can we love our neighbor if we don't have one? But our neighbor isn't what makes us whole. Our neighbor isn't our hope, our security, our joy... They're our mission that God alone prepares us for.

So now we come to it:
Who are you really serving?
Are you who you say you are?
Is God really your God?
If he is, is his word really his words?
If they are, then what the heck are you doing?

All throughout the New Testament the Bible says you're either a child of God or you're not (read it for yourself!!) - there is no in between. Who are we to hold on to our "little sins" because they make us feel good? How selfish. And untrue. They aren't genuinely fulfilling and we know it. They hurt us and keep us from helping others. It's hard to let go... but... it's really not. We need to so... why not?

If we believe it, we need to believe all of it. If we obey it, we need to obey all of it. If we love God, we need to love him with all we are, not just the pieces we're willing to give.

So how about it: are you in or out?